Home Practice: Self-Compassion Break

Motherhood

Dec 19

Parenting can take a major toll on our bodies and minds, especially when stress is high, like during the holidays. Self-compassion is a protective force against the inevitable self-doubt, fear, shame, isolation, and vulnerability that we can experience as parents. Self-compassion is simply the act of offering compassion to ourselves in the same supportive and understanding way you would with a good friend. Research has shown that self-compassion improves our well-being, and those benefits trickle down to our children and those around us. The core components of self-compassion are mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness. Before we dive into what those elements mean and what they look like, let’s define what self-compassion practices can do and what benefits you can derive from the self-compassion break practice.

Self-Compassion practices can allow you to:

Be gentle and caring with yourself rather than feeling guilty about failures or mistakes.
Recognize that we are all human with strengths, blessings, and imperfections
Gain a sense of balance and perspective when it comes to challenges, rather than getting caught up in negative emotions or critical internal narratives

The three main components of self-compassion are:

1. Mindfulness: bringing awareness to present-moment experiences without resistance or avoidance

2. Common Humanity: acknowledging that being human means being imperfect and all people have these kinds of painful experiences

3. Self-Kindness: offering yourself kind, understanding words or a soothing touch in the way you might towards a friend or loved one.

*It’s important to find language that is effective and meaningful to you personally. If you’re having trouble finding the right words, imagine how you would speak to a dear friend or loved one in the same situation.

The Self-Compassion Break is a practice that helps remind us to apply the core elements of self-compassion when difficulties arise in our lives. We all have these moments from time to time and this is a tool to move from feeling self-critical or frustrated to happy, open, and resilient. The point is not necessarily to try to change the situation, but to cultivate a kind attitude in the face of challenges despite what the outcome may be.

Here is an example of how this might play out and what using this practice could look like:

You are overwhelmed with all the tasks you need to complete this week in preparation for the holidays. As a result, you feel pulled in multiple directions and aren't fully present with your family members because your mind is focused on your to-do list. When your toddler has a meltdown, you end up easily snapping at them and your partner, feeling a ton of guilt later as you reflect on this experience.

1. Mindfulness: This is hard.

Other options: This hurts. This is stressful right now.

2. Common Humanity: I’m not alone.

Other options: This is how it feels when people struggle with ____. Everyone experiences busy seasons and overwhelm from time to time.

3. Self-kindness: May I be gentle with myself [maybe putting a hands over heart]. Tomorrow is a new day and I can always repair my relationships.

Other options: May I be strong. May I accept myself as I am. May I forgive myself. May I give myself what I need.
It’s more impactful if you use words that resonate with you especially on this step

This practice, the self-compassion break, is available to you at any time throughout the day just like your breath is. Perhaps try it out in the moment of difficulty (if it’s safe to do so), when you're reflecting on a particularly difficult situation that happened earlier in the day, or when looking back on an event or interaction that happened earlier in the week. Although anyone can do this practice, parents know that raising children comes with many demands and inevitable challenges. If you’re feeling like taking the time to focus on you is selfish, lazy, or self-indulgent, remember that what you’re doing can take as little as a couple of minutes and it’s lowering your stress and helping bring more joy to parenting. Sometimes we can feel alone in our struggles, but this is practice, particularly the common humanity piece, reminds us that we are connected with others who face similar challenges.

Self-compassion is a way of emotionally recharging our batteries. Rather than becoming drained by helping others, self-compassion allows us to fill up our internal reserves, so that we have more to give to those who need us. - Kristin Neff

Let me know in the comments if you tried this out and if so, what your experience was like. Developing these practices take time, energy, intentionality, and support. Working with a coach can be a great start to discovering how to build them into your life based on your values and unique needs. We can figure out what works best for you and map out plans to make it happen! If you’re ready to begin the process or would like more information, reach out and let’s talk!

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